BOOK REVIEW CHALAT RAJARAM FIREFLY RACING WITH THE DOLPHINS
LEAD: A poignant, tender read that captures the Oneness of all things
REVIEW: In this touching collection, Dr. Chalat Rajaram, a retired internist and specialist in hospice medicine with a string of impressive degrees, provides touching glimpses into his life and offers his philosophy of living for our consideration. His poetry speaks to the great love and adoration he had for his deceased wife and his great sorrow at her loss. Nevertheless, he consoles himself with memories of his beloved, who visits him still in dreams, whose spirit is always with him and whose values propel him to be a better person. Although gone, she walks beside him and illuminates his path in life. Despite the loss of his soulmate, he determines to go on “to face life, and go forward without fear” – this has always been the way of things; loss is built into life.
Through his poems, the doctor develops his philosophy of life. He counsels us to shed our egos, our ceaselessly chattering monkey minds, our anxieties, and fears, and be present in the moment. Instead, we should ”listen carefully… to the background music.” It is in the small things that we learn to treasure life. Dr. Rajaram honestly describes his own efforts to calm his wondering, wandering mind and to cultivate a sense of awe and wonder. He slowly learns to avoid aversion and attachment. Everywhere he turns, he discovers “the miracle of the One in all.” The author finds particular solace and inspiration in all aspects of the natural world – the majesty of the Alaskan glaciers, the dolphins, fish and fowl of the Pacific Ocean, the stark beauty of the desert. He is a careful and appreciative observer of nature. This description of pigeons at the beach is typical: “Glistening green and pink. Sun shining on their necks/The iridescent colors show.” He notes that it is the stillness of trees that speaks to us and teaches us. In this state of attentive presence Dr. Rajaram discovers the Oneness of all things.
Several of these poems were written during the COVID-19 pandemic, and Dr. Rajaram meticulously documents the loss of life, the confusion, the animosities around masking and the loneliness that ensued. His poems convey both horror and compassion at the extent of human suffering at that time. In response to George Floyd’s murder, he condemns police brutality, the loss of life, the loss of human dignity. We are “too slow to call out injustice” or to admit the 100,000 death COVID milestone, he protests. We are still “far from healing.” Another poem enjoins us to “Let the love grow everywhere, lose the hate.” As an immigrant to this country, Dr. Rajaram prays for healing from the trauma of the pandemic; the answer is for all of us to grieve, to reach out, separate from our egos, and heal. He concludes that all he can do is try to do what’s right and always see himself in others. Only the ego distinguishes between personal suffering and everyone’s suffering. In one clever poem, the poet pleads with us toward MAHA, Make America Healthy Again, a call to heal our differences and fulfill the great promise of this, his adopted country.
These poems do not shy away from suffering, whether from disease or loss or division, and the author is consistent that the only response that makes sense is acceptance, prayer, love and kindness. A stormy night flight, with thunderstorms and rains, evokes images of grief over death, suffering over poor health, but the plane lands safely and the narrator is filled with “optimism, enthusiasm, hope.” In another poem about flying, he notes that the flight is not smooth, but “Amidst the turbulence, a stream of brightness.” Life is like this plane ride, full of difficulty but also with precious glimpses of light. He knows that it is not always possible to save another from descent into despair and madness – the void can be too big to fill. In response to human suffering, we must peel back the layers till we find “the person undone” by disease, sorrow, guilt, the shattered life. Many of these poems invoke the power of memory to restore happier times and to provide a meaningful and consolatory context for the vicissitudes of life.
Dr. Rajaram recognizes the transitory nature of people and things. All things pass away. The cycle of life is to bud, flower, then fade – but not before seeding new buds that will in turn become flowers. In the midst of grief and loneliness, the author savors the fleeting joy that the brightness of a firefly. He often writes about the power of the Sun to create light and dispel darkness. Its warm, nonjudgmental rays bring him a special spiritual delight. At times the world can appear “as a shroud” and “the pounding heart feels bare”; but then the “Golden Sun” makes an appearance bestowing hope and joy. It is the sun that connects him to “The golden light within, shining/At all times…” While he has appreciation for the sun, Dr. Rajaram also feels gratitude for the darkness – we must embrace all human experience, joy and happiness and separation, loss and grief. life is filled with complementarity: “it all goes together, happens side by side” and there’s no way to avoid what the Buddhists call the ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows that comprise human existence. In the face of impermanence, the only constant is the truth of the One. That is what is Real.
In his poetry, Dr. Rajaram is a seeker – of self-understanding, of peace, of union with the Divine. He describes himself as a “wounded healer.” He knows how difficult it is to find the true self, “the deep self,” and how easy it is to keep making the same mistakes in life. He is a “slow learner of life.” It is hard to free self from ego, from thoughts. It takes a long time to learn the meaning of life, “Of the One undying Self.” This is how it has always been, for everyone, so the important thing is to just stay the course. With perseverance, understanding comes and with it, peace. In the face of difficulties, he wants to run and hide. Instead, he must stand and fight, follow the path, Life requires “hanging in” with pain, with aging; and still having hope and longing and the capacity to cherish life.
In one poem, Dr. Rajaram rejoices that he has been on “an unlearning spree.” Despite his education and degrees, he acknowledges that “Knowledge…is useless tinsel. /Without devotion…” Slowly, however, his consciousness grows inward as he experiences the magnificence all around him. Miraculously, hope always seems to be reborn and he can continue to go forward. Painfully he has learned that everything that is not peace is an illusion, a dream, the ego. He encourages us to exist in stillness so that we may discover the one Truth that exists in us all. Although this poet wonders whether poetry can really “ease the pain,” he expresses the hope that a poem may plant a seed of possibility, may enliven the reader, and these poems certainly fulfill that aspiration.
